


The Lies We Tell

by GinaD



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-10
Updated: 2003-03-10
Packaged: 2018-11-10 09:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11124258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinaD/pseuds/GinaD
Summary: RayK ponders the lies we tell ourselves just to survive.





	The Lies We Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
The Lies We Tell

## The Lies We Tell

by GD

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

Author's Notes: This is my first Due South fic though I've been writing for several years. I would love to hear what you think.

Story Notes: You might call this a fix for the entire series. The slash is implied, some bad words but otherwise this is pretty gen.

* * *

You know everyone always said Fraser couldn't lie. In a way I guess they were right. He seemed so bad at it. You could always tell what with the eyebrow rub and the neck crack. You didn't even have to challenge him on it. Just a look and he was all, well no...I mean yes, I mean... 

But see I figured out what the everyone else missed. I think even Vecchio missed most of it. It took me a while to get it but I did. Fraser couldn't lie to other people cause he was so busy lying to himself he didn't have the energy left over. 

What were the lies Fraser was so busy telling himself? There were a lot of them. There were the lies he was telling himself as a kid. Like, it was okay that his father was never around. It didn't matter that all he ever got for gifts were books. And the one that still makes me angry, his mother's death didn't affect him. Sometimes I wish you could hit a ghost. Cause I'd black his old man's eye so fast.... 

Yeah I know the lies, where was I. 

Once his Dad died and he got banished south there were more lies to remember. Like it was okay to be alone in an unforgiving city so far south of his heart's home. Being a glorified tourist prop wasn't tedious to a man used to running wild. It didn't bother him when people disappointed him. 

He did it, added those lies onto the others and kept going. Going, heck he even started to make a difference. He was carving out an existence that, while not the one his heart earned for, was okay, even good at times. At least that's what I heard. I wasn't there, so I only have what I pieced together from stuff he let slip, case files I read and things Vecchio shared before he left for Vegas. Everyone wants to say Vecchio disappeared, left Fraser alone. Wrote him off when the chance to do something big came along. But I know that ain't the truth. Can't tell anyone what I know even now. When I give a man my word I keep it no matter what. I gave Vecchio my word. 

One night before he left Vecchio showed up at my place with a six pack. He wanted me to know the stuff that he couldn't say in front on the fibbies or his boss. He wanted me to know how much Fraser needed a friend. I said Vecchio didn't realize how much Fraser was lying. He didn't, but don't think the guy was stupid or blind. Vecchio didn't see Fraser's lies because he was too busy lying himself. Yeah both of them had been lying to themselves and each other ever since the whole Metcalf Mess. 

The Metcalf Mess, the ultimate betrayal, the thing no one wants to talk about. Vecchio laid it all out for me that night. Then he cried. He told me other stuff that night too but I'll get to that later. 

Vecchio's information helped me figure out how the whole Metcalf thing happened. Fraser's going along down here starting to open up, working with Vecchio. Thinking maybe he can be something other than THE MOUNTIE and that witch comes back into his life. He was ripe for the picking and I have to think that somehow she knew it. She knew he was ready to risk being hurt again. In his desperation to have something normal what does Fraser do? Yep you guessed, he lies to himself again. So on top of the others we pile, she's changed, I'm in love with her. And when those lies slap him in the face, we get 'I deserve to suffer with her'. Oh yeah, she set him up good. 

So Vecchio shoots him, she escapes and what are we left with? More lies. I know, I'm starting to sound like a broken record. But these lies are really important I think. These are the ones that bring me into the picture. Cause without these lies Vecchio wouldn't have been vulnerable when the FBI came calling. These are the lies that both of them started telling themselves. Big ones; she had a gun, the bullet in Fraser's back was an accident, Fraser hadn't been leaving with her. And when it was all over, we're fine, partners again just like before. Another layer of lies for Fraser's pile. 

But it wasn't just like before. Oh it was close, you had to be either Fraser or Vecchio to know it wasn't. Fraser retreated back behind his lies. Started listening and believing them again. Armored himself against the world in red serge and duty. Think I'm crazy, didn't you notice that's when he started wearing the red almost all the time. Can't be THE MOUNTIE in brown. He and Vecchio were still partners, friends and all that but deep inside those last three lies were eating at both of them. They would have worked through those lies, they really would have. Were taking those first baby steps when the FBI came calling. 

Vecchio never really had a chance. He tried to say no, but the fibbies knew all the right buttons to push. They used a combination of threats and promises to bring him to heel. That's where I come in. Everyone wonders at some point how anyone could think a blond Polish detective partial to jeans and t-shirts ended up covering for an Italian suit. I got the job cause Vecchio hand picked me. See the fibbies had him over a barrel so to speak, but he also had them. And he used that power to protect Fraser and his family the best he could. I was the eighth detective they considered and everyone was starting to get desperate. Vecchio said he'd do it only if he got to personally choose his replacement. 

I didn't know that at the time, found it out the night Vecchio showed up at my door. Uh huh the other stuff I mentioned. There were two main things Vecchio wanted me to promise that night. One, I'd watch over Frannie. He made it easy for me by getting her the aid job. Another one of his conditions. Watching over her consisted mainly of checking out any new boyfriends. He said if any man ever laid a finger on her again I was to let him know. I told him I would beat anyone to a pulp that did. He nodded and told me to send the message anyway. Set up a special code between us. I'm glad I never had to make that call, cause I don't think Armond would have thought twice before having the guy capped. 

The other promise, don't let Fraser push me away. That's when Vecchio told me he'd picked me special. I asked why, but all he's say was I'd see. And boy did I see, though not a first. At first I tried to handle Fraser the way Vecchio told me to. Figured out that wasn't working about the time the Riv caught on fire. So I tried to be straight, wipe out the new lies. Course the crazy Mountie was crawling all over the car and didn't hear any of it. Turns out it didn't matter. All I had to do was forget about being Vecchio and pull a typical Kowalski move. When I stepped in front of that bullet I cracked the first layer of lies. Cracked em some more a few days later in a cemetery crypt. 

Oh yeah along the way I screwed up a few times; Warfield, punching him, the Russell chick. But I also got things right. Trusting him during the Volpe thing. Diving through a skylight. Riding a motorcycle through a door. I started to see Fraser's lies for the protection they were. Started to challenge some of them. 

Course it went both ways. I cracked the top layer of Fraser's lies and he started poking at the lies I'd been telling myself. Things like, I'd only ever love Stella. I didn't care about being a cop anymore. I was stupid, damaged. I was straight. 

Caught that did you. Well I'd never been real good at telling myself that lie anyway so it wasn't hard to let it go. But the biggest lie, the one I was telling the world meant it didn't matter that I was rebuilding Ray Kowalski. Couldn't let that lie go, wouldn't be fair to the man who given me Fraser. Sides we were still only scratching the surface of Fraser's lies and I knew he had to deal with those before anything else. I also knew that if Fraser ever did deal with all those lies there was a good chance he'd not want what I was ready to offer. 

So we settled into a rhythm our duet for the most part in perfect step. Then it started to stutter. Fraser's heart was yearning for it's true home. What would have happened if Vecchio hadn't come back? I'm not sure I want to think about that. I afraid Fraser would have finally given up, gone back North and disappeared into the ice fields. Oh no, I don't mean kill himself. I just think he would have become the person all those lies told him he was. After all it worked for his dad. 

So I say, thank you god, that Vecchio came back. Oh yeah I hated him when he did, cause by then I figured out he'd set me up. Saw that I needed Fraser as much if not more than Fraser needed me. Set me up to care about a guy that was gonna lie himself back to being Vecchio's partner. But Fraser had started to see all the lies for what they were. He still wasn't dealing with them, but he'd started to see them. Vecchio helped by giving him permission so to speak to go. Me I quit even pretending I had sense and followed Fraser. I hung off an airplane wing for him then jumped out of the darn thing. Okay he pushed me out, a part of me knew he was gonna. I nearly die, Fraser pulls a miracle out of his stetson and we catch Muldoon. The end roll credits. Only this is life so we have to figure out where to go from here. Fraser seems to want me along, suggests the quest and I figure, why not. I can see he's let go of some more of those lies. Don't know which ones, but it gives me hope. 

We wrap everything up and start out on our quest. Only it really wasn't the quest for Franklin's hand. Like I care about some dead guys fingers. I wanted to give Fraser a chance to work through some more of his lies. Once I got him started boy did we work through some lies. After all this is Fraser we're talking about. The man's been an over achiever since he was a kid. He starts out by telling me about his mother and it goes from there. We only spend a couple of weeks on the trail before I figured out we needed something more sturdy than a tent. What does that mean? Sometime before you open it shake and shake a bottle of champagne. The resulting explosion will be loud and messy. You need more than nylon to contain it. So we holed up at Fraser's cabin and I let him rage against all the things and people who'd disappointed him. Being Fraser he tried at first to excuse all of it, but I've always been pretty good at getting him mad. So that's what I did, got him mad. Let him yell, throw things, cry, rage. One night he turned it around and asked me what lies I told myself. I told him. Well I told him most of them. Not the big one. Still didn't think he was ready for that one. 

After that he went quiet for about a week. Worked out his frustrations on the woodpile and the roof on the dog shed. I was starting to get worried; I mean I'm no psychologist. Was beginning to think maybe all I'd done was break him up more. Then he started talking, about his dad, Vecchio, Victoria. Stuff that even I hadn't even realized he was lying to himself about. Scared the hell out of me, cause I hadn't known he was that good a liar. He talked till he was hoarse then slept for two days. By then I was seriously freaking. If I'd known which way was civilization I probably would have gone for help. Even asked Dief to do the Lassie thing and go. Wouldn't do it even for a whole pizza. Course that might have been because he knew Tony's didn't deliver to Canada. 

When Fraser woke up he asked me if I'd be okay by myself for a couple of days. Said he needed to go see someone. What could I say, I was in too deep to quit now. So I said sure, made a joke about not having to worry about firewood. He took off the next day on snowshoes. Dief went with him at my urging. I was left to worry and feed the dogs. 

Dief came back first, with a note tied to his neck. It said Fraser was with a Shaman friend and would be back soon. At least I knew he was still alive. So three days later he comes back and now I've got cheerful Fraser. Scary cheerful, not normal cheerful. 

Its all about me now, do I want to continue the quest? Am I tired of Canada? Would I like to go to town? I pick town so we were off the next day. Got a tour of the town, checked in with the folks and Fraser checked in with the Mounties. Turns out they were looking for us. Muldoon's lawyer had gotten the trial moved forward. Hoping we'd still be out on the ice fields. So all of a sudden we have new lies. 

Thought we were done with the lies? Not yet. Now we were both lying, to each other, to the world. But see that's the important thing. Fraser was lying to the world, to Mounties, without batting an eye. He was also lying to me and I didn't even catch it this time. So the local office packs Fraser, Dief and I up an off to Ottawa for the trial. Put us up in a RCMP apartment and we start the new lies. To the RCMP we're work partners, Fraser is the perfect Mountie again working security, wearing the serge. And me? Well they aren't sure what to do with me. To make it easer for Fraser I buy a good suit and try to tone down a bit. When Fraser's busy off doing official Mountie stuff they turn me over to Turnbull. Good ole Turnbull's also there for the trial. He makes a great tour guide. He's also great at helping figure out Canada's citizenship process. Didn't hurt that the PTB's liked the idea of their other hero also being Canadian. I lied again. I let them believe I actually helped Fraser instead of nearly dying on him. I went for dual citizenship. Don't forget I still hadn't told Fraser the big lie. I wanted an out. Also didn't tell Fraser what I'd done. 

Like Vecchio's return to Chicago that lie of omission is another turning point for us. When the PTB's told Fraser what I'd done, he got mad. Oh he thanked them kindly for the help they'd given, then he came home to me. Came home, ditched the serge, had dinner, all real normal. The fact that he was steaming didn't even register. First inkling I have that anything is wrong was when I find myself slammed against the wall. Fraser held me there, arm over my throat, while he asked me why I'd done it. I tried to lie, said it was cause I like the country. I'll never forget his response. 

*"I'm through lying to myself Ray. So if you're staying in Canada with me then you need to know what that means." Fraser leaned in pressing his full weight against me. "It means we share everything including our bed."* 

Then he kissed me a deep diving for the tonsils kiss. We ended up in bed and I found out that all of my slutty fantasies weren't even close the real thing. Seems the one thing Fraser had never lied to himself about was the fact he was bi. He spent the weekend fucking the last of my lies out of me. 

So the trial is over, me and Ben are together. Everything is good right? Almost right. 

We go back to the cabin, take up our vacation again. I can tell Ben is working something through, but every time I try to ask he gives me something else to do, like scream his name as I come. Finally I resort to locking him out of the cabin while I ask him again. He breaks down after about four hours and tells me the last lie he's hiding. Ready for it? 

He doesn't want to be a Mountie anymore. Hasn't really wanted to since he got banished south for doing his job. I let him in and after feel good sex I ask him what he does want to do. He says he still wants to help people but he's tired of answering to others. 

That's how we ended up here. K&F Investigative Services. Okay I was going for F&K until I actually saw it on paper. Business is actually doing pretty good. Found a niche market so to speak. See that dual citizenship paid off. We can work both sides of the border. We've found a good balance. Probably never be rich, but we've got enough to keep the government happy. Pretty much set our own schedules which means there's plenty of time to get up to the cabin. Yeah it's a good life. 

Fraser says he's happy, but a part of me wonders. He can lie to people now. Is he still lying to himself? To Me? Dief says no, but the wolf's been his enabler for years. I should lock him out of the cabin again and ask, but at some point you have to believe a person. Right? 

* * *

End The Lies We Tell by GD:

Author and story notes above.


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